The Comfort Window
6:34 | French
ďRice QueenĒ? Itís someone who... Itís a white guy who only goes out with Asians. Itís an expression that Iíve known since Iíve been in Berlin, since four or five years ago.
At first, I found it rather funny and amusing. But in the end, I think itís actually neutral. Itís not... at least here in Berlin, I think thereís no judgement. On the other hand, obviously, a 50-year-old rice queen is viewed differently than one whoís 30 or 40.
I donít use this much for myself. Except maybe as a joke, now and then. But not seriously. Because I donít like it much... because it can put you into a box.
Most of my friends who arenít rice queens say: ďI could never go out with an Asian!Ē Then again, I know a lot of Asians who would never go with a black, for example. Generally, I say nothing. Because Iíve nothing to say. I think most people prefer to date those they resemble. Maybe thatís a bit narcissistic. But Iím not like that.
I think that when I saw my first Asian... I guess it was in music school, when I was 10 or 11. I realized I was physically attracted to him, and not by my other classmates. Even though there were cute ones, like later in high school too.
But thereís another weird thing, that I still have today. Itís a kind of... I think I donít go with whites because... I donít feel comfortable with whites. I donít know why. It would be weird for me to go and sleep with a white guy. Maybe heíd resemble me too much, I donít know.
But with an Asian — since Iím rather shy by nature — but with Asians, Iíve never been shy. I was always able to undress in front of an Asian, or sleep with him.
On the other hand... the simple act of going swimming, and being barechested in front of whites, embarrasses me. But it doesnít embarrass me in front of Asians. And thatís... a big question.
What attracted me to him... I guess in the beginning it was the difference. But once again, he himself was rather different. I donít know if he was so typical. I think what I liked was the idea — and I walked into this situation with my stereotypes — with saying Iím white, heís Asian, etc. And very quickly, the stereotypes lost their significance. It was just him, and just me.
Then he met my friends for the first time. Afterwards, certain friends said: ďBut you never said he was Asian!Ē And I realized: Itís true! Because I no longer think about it. I mightíve said during the first week: ďIím going out with an Asian!Ē But after a certain point, Iíd stop that and just use his name. And I said: ďYes, so what?Ē
So that was it, really. That was really interesting. The fact there were no more of these barriers between us.